Long time no blog.

I can't even begin to describe all the shit that has happened in my life since I last updated this, but I can try. Basically, my whole summer consisted of mainly smoking pot with my ex?-boyfriend, chilling, an occasional party here and there, but mostly just chilling. I bought a bad-ass pipe at Warped Tour and I'd like to call it Betsy. My pipe has class, and yes that's possible.

Me and Chris broke up about 3 or 4 days ago because he told this other girl in Pennsylvania that he might fly to go see her and go to a dance together like they did 2 years ago. I know it might sound like a stupid reason, but not when this isn't the first time you've had problems with him and other girls. We're trying to work it out at this moment. Who knows what will happen with this though. There's part of me that is like WOW, I am so over this and there is another part of me that every time I hear his voice I still want to be with him. It's difficult. Love is so difficult. You can bet after this, I'm done... at least till college. Break-ups just take a chunk out of your heart. Like, I haven't been able to eat at all for the past 3 days. I'm not exactly devastated, it's like my body is. It's crazy weird.

I've been hanging out with a old friend Garrett. Totally against Chris' rules, but really, who even goes by the rules these days? He came over last night after I got back from the "Back to School Party" (which was kick ass I might add), and... we had sex. I don't feel that guilty considering the fact that I didn't cheat, Garrett and I have a past, and Chris lies to me A LOT. But then again, I do feel bad, I do feel a little slutty, and I probably will regret it. I'm not going to go off and sleep with a bunch of other guys though. That's not my thing. From what I know about my self which is hopefully a lot, I don't think I would ever do that.

School starts in a little more than a week and I'm scared. Junior year is what counts. I don't want to screw this up.

Thank God for my menstral cycle.

And thank God for Jamie!

I skipped 4th and 5th period today because they were pulling athletes out of class for random drug tests and I have been smoking lately, so there was NO FUCKING WAY I was about to get caught for that. I would be deader than dead if my parents found out that I smoke weed. And this dick head, Wayne told the teacher I was skipping so I got written up. It's all good though. I'm working my magic and I'm going to get this all taken care of. At least out of all of this I got the $20 detox I need to clean out my system just in case they do more testing tomorrow. I'd rather pay $20 then have no life again. Anyways, I'm quiting though or at least cutting down until summer.

Overflowing Emotions

I don't want my dad to move.
I don't know what I'm going to do without him in my life.
I can't stop crying about it.
It hurts.


I feel unwanted and uncared about.
This happens every year.
My birthday comes around and I never make a huge ordeal.
I'm turning 16 though and it all seems to be about Jamie.
If I want to do something for my birthday, I'm always the one to plan it.
I'm sounding so selfish and self-centered, but just for once can somebody surprise me?
Think about me. go out of their way for ME, like I always try to do for others.
I almost can't believe I'm even writing this or these thoughts are coming into my head.
I can't help it though.


I'm so emotional right now.
My time of the month must be right around the corner.

Living the 'No Life'

I have to admit I'm terrible at updates. Forgive me. Although hearing me babbling on about scrap booking, school, and grounding wouldn't be too pleasing. Perhaps I'm the one doing you a favor. My grounding has consisted of boredom and seeing Chris behind my mom's back. That's just about as juicy as it gets. Thankfully this hell ends in practically one day.

For almost two weeks I've been really sick, so hopefully this virus departs like A.S.A.P. It has completely drained me. Other than that, it seems as if our whole little group we had going on has parted their ways since I've been grounded and everybody has apparently changed. It's amazing what one month can do. It's sad really, is what it is. Ciara and Papi now have sex which is a major shocker for me. So much for waiting, but I can't say I blame her. It must be difficult when everyone around you is doing it. I wish she had chosemsome other guy though, just because I think she could do better than Papi. At least she's happy. That's all that matters. Chris is turning back into what he used to be with the excessive getting stoned and all that mess. It bothers me that he hangs out with Bryan because that kid has basically used just about any drug you could think of. So I'll say PASS on having a druggie boyfriend, thanks anyway. I hope I put some sort of positive influence on him when I get ungrounded. Also, my dad bought me a 1990 Alpine White 535 BMW and I'm super stoked. Can't wait til my birthday! Oh la la, and today my mother bought me some Marc Jacobs sunglasses and True Religion jeans. Gotta love her!



Blah.

I'm not going to lie to you and say, "I'll update soon" because it's likely I won't, but how about... Peace until next time ;)



xoxo

No more regrets. All my experiences were worth it.

I'm slowly learning that regretting my mistakes doesn't get me anywhere. That doesn't take away the fact that I'm still completely fucked. Way, way, way, fucked.

I had another get together at my dad's last Friday night when he was out of town and apparently Chris and I left a condom in his bedroom where we had been having sex and lucky me, my dad found it. I'm grounded from him and Ciara for who knows how long and I'm so pissed and upset about it. He made me take a pregnancy test and now I have to find out all this information about colleges since I "wasn't thinking about my future". -Even though I'm not pregnant.

I was devastated at first, but now I think I'm starting to cope with this whole situation better. I don't regret it so much, only because I enjoyed myself for the time being and now I know NOTHING flies past my dad so I shouldn't even push it. All I know though is that I surely hope my relationship with him is the same once all of this is over, and that I'll still have my bestfriend. They are the two people that I would do anything for as of this moment and they both make me extremely happy.

It's that time of year again.

Christmas was amazing. I got everything I asked for and more. I'd tell you what I got, but the list is pretty big. Just take my word for it. I will tell you though, that Chris bought me a diamond heart necklace. Don't be too jealous. I know I have an amazing boyfriend.

I stayed at my dad's for Christmas Eve and then stayed at my mom's for Christmas day. We had a Christmas party at my mom's and my mom told me to invite Chris, so I did. My mom bought Bacardi and Malibu Rum, so I brought up some Bacardi for me and Chris to my room and we had about 4 shots each. I think. All I know is I was buzzing like no other and that I've discovered a new love for drunk sex. Well anyway, we were doing our thing when all the sudden I heard him say those three words very quietly and I was in some what denial he said it, so I ignored it. He later said it again and I asked him if he was sure and he had said he's been trying to tell me and that he was going to tell me earlier when he gave me my gift. I wasn't sure what to say back and to be perfectly honest I don't even remember what I had said in return. In fact, I'm not even sure if he meant it or not considering he was a little out of it. He did say it again though when he left that night and me being caught off guard I simply said, "You too". He hasn't said it since though, so who knows. Maybe his penis got mixed up with his heart. When he got home and was sick from the drinking and I felt like shit the next day. So I guess you can say we won't be sipping on Bacardi any time soon. Eh?

Last night I had a get together over at my dad's and it was a lot better than I imagined. It was Me, of course, Chris, Jamie, Justin, Tyler, and Justin's cousin. It was fun and we basically all just chilled and drank. I did about 7 shots that night and had about a glass and a half of wine. I wasn't too fucked up or anything. Me and Chris did it again, plus another 6 times and 6 different condoms. Now that was the best sex I've ever had and he said it was, "The best sex I've ever had in my life." So go me! I don't have the pictures right now, but I'll maybe post with some at a later time.

Tonight Jamie and Ciara are spending the night and tomorrow we are going camping bright and early with the group. I'm hoping this will be the highlight of my Christmas break and that we all have a wicked fun time. After all, I have been looking forward to this for weeks. I'll keep you posted.

Jingle, Jingle, all the way.

So, it's the day before Christmas Eve. This is supposed to be a happy time of year, right? Wrong. Well for me at least.

Last night Chris and I got in a fight over the stupidest thing ever. We were on the phone and this guy Mark kept texting me, and I didn't want to be rude so I texted him back. Chris told me to stop texting while we were on the phone and I didn't and it escalated into him not wanting me to talk to this guy period. Why? Because I told him what the guy had been saying to me. Mark was telling me that I should have my boyfriend and have him on the side. Mistake on my part. I should have just kept my trap shut. At least when he asked me if there was anything about him that bothered me, I got to put it out in the open that it bothers me that he talks to this big nosed girl Taradactal. And I made sure he was aware that he can not cuss at me, ever, not once, not at all. It isn't right.

We're alright now, we discussed it and talked it over and things are running smoothly again.

This morning I was helping my dad pack up Sandy's things so we can get them sent to her, and he told me that he might have to move in order to keep his job. I was beyond upset. Really, this is a lot to deal with. He told me that he might have to move to either Georgia- ew, Florida, or Houston- again, ew. Florida I could cope with. It's just Georgia or Houston I'm not too crazy about.

We'll see what happens. It all takes time.