Long time no blog.

I can't even begin to describe all the shit that has happened in my life since I last updated this, but I can try. Basically, my whole summer consisted of mainly smoking pot with my ex?-boyfriend, chilling, an occasional party here and there, but mostly just chilling. I bought a bad-ass pipe at Warped Tour and I'd like to call it Betsy. My pipe has class, and yes that's possible.

Me and Chris broke up about 3 or 4 days ago because he told this other girl in Pennsylvania that he might fly to go see her and go to a dance together like they did 2 years ago. I know it might sound like a stupid reason, but not when this isn't the first time you've had problems with him and other girls. We're trying to work it out at this moment. Who knows what will happen with this though. There's part of me that is like WOW, I am so over this and there is another part of me that every time I hear his voice I still want to be with him. It's difficult. Love is so difficult. You can bet after this, I'm done... at least till college. Break-ups just take a chunk out of your heart. Like, I haven't been able to eat at all for the past 3 days. I'm not exactly devastated, it's like my body is. It's crazy weird.

I've been hanging out with a old friend Garrett. Totally against Chris' rules, but really, who even goes by the rules these days? He came over last night after I got back from the "Back to School Party" (which was kick ass I might add), and... we had sex. I don't feel that guilty considering the fact that I didn't cheat, Garrett and I have a past, and Chris lies to me A LOT. But then again, I do feel bad, I do feel a little slutty, and I probably will regret it. I'm not going to go off and sleep with a bunch of other guys though. That's not my thing. From what I know about my self which is hopefully a lot, I don't think I would ever do that.

School starts in a little more than a week and I'm scared. Junior year is what counts. I don't want to screw this up.

Thank God for my menstral cycle.

And thank God for Jamie!

I skipped 4th and 5th period today because they were pulling athletes out of class for random drug tests and I have been smoking lately, so there was NO FUCKING WAY I was about to get caught for that. I would be deader than dead if my parents found out that I smoke weed. And this dick head, Wayne told the teacher I was skipping so I got written up. It's all good though. I'm working my magic and I'm going to get this all taken care of. At least out of all of this I got the $20 detox I need to clean out my system just in case they do more testing tomorrow. I'd rather pay $20 then have no life again. Anyways, I'm quiting though or at least cutting down until summer.

Overflowing Emotions

I don't want my dad to move.
I don't know what I'm going to do without him in my life.
I can't stop crying about it.
It hurts.


I feel unwanted and uncared about.
This happens every year.
My birthday comes around and I never make a huge ordeal.
I'm turning 16 though and it all seems to be about Jamie.
If I want to do something for my birthday, I'm always the one to plan it.
I'm sounding so selfish and self-centered, but just for once can somebody surprise me?
Think about me. go out of their way for ME, like I always try to do for others.
I almost can't believe I'm even writing this or these thoughts are coming into my head.
I can't help it though.


I'm so emotional right now.
My time of the month must be right around the corner.

Living the 'No Life'

I have to admit I'm terrible at updates. Forgive me. Although hearing me babbling on about scrap booking, school, and grounding wouldn't be too pleasing. Perhaps I'm the one doing you a favor. My grounding has consisted of boredom and seeing Chris behind my mom's back. That's just about as juicy as it gets. Thankfully this hell ends in practically one day.

For almost two weeks I've been really sick, so hopefully this virus departs like A.S.A.P. It has completely drained me. Other than that, it seems as if our whole little group we had going on has parted their ways since I've been grounded and everybody has apparently changed. It's amazing what one month can do. It's sad really, is what it is. Ciara and Papi now have sex which is a major shocker for me. So much for waiting, but I can't say I blame her. It must be difficult when everyone around you is doing it. I wish she had chosemsome other guy though, just because I think she could do better than Papi. At least she's happy. That's all that matters. Chris is turning back into what he used to be with the excessive getting stoned and all that mess. It bothers me that he hangs out with Bryan because that kid has basically used just about any drug you could think of. So I'll say PASS on having a druggie boyfriend, thanks anyway. I hope I put some sort of positive influence on him when I get ungrounded. Also, my dad bought me a 1990 Alpine White 535 BMW and I'm super stoked. Can't wait til my birthday! Oh la la, and today my mother bought me some Marc Jacobs sunglasses and True Religion jeans. Gotta love her!



Blah.

I'm not going to lie to you and say, "I'll update soon" because it's likely I won't, but how about... Peace until next time ;)



xoxo

No more regrets. All my experiences were worth it.

I'm slowly learning that regretting my mistakes doesn't get me anywhere. That doesn't take away the fact that I'm still completely fucked. Way, way, way, fucked.

I had another get together at my dad's last Friday night when he was out of town and apparently Chris and I left a condom in his bedroom where we had been having sex and lucky me, my dad found it. I'm grounded from him and Ciara for who knows how long and I'm so pissed and upset about it. He made me take a pregnancy test and now I have to find out all this information about colleges since I "wasn't thinking about my future". -Even though I'm not pregnant.

I was devastated at first, but now I think I'm starting to cope with this whole situation better. I don't regret it so much, only because I enjoyed myself for the time being and now I know NOTHING flies past my dad so I shouldn't even push it. All I know though is that I surely hope my relationship with him is the same once all of this is over, and that I'll still have my bestfriend. They are the two people that I would do anything for as of this moment and they both make me extremely happy.